| if neone is concerned |
[08 Sep 2001|06:26pm] |
got home from church a lil while ago... its raining and thundering like a bitch out there... and i just washed my car b4 church... my dad thinks im a reckless driver. . psh
last night i felt really crappy...i think it was cuz i havent had a gf since febuary and ive been thinking about starting a relationship with a couple of the girls i know... gladik didnt talk to me at all last night..that sorta set me off ... but prior to that, maria was acting like her usual self, so that made me happy.
newayz last nite ... i talked to a few ppl and then went to bed and i didnt feel like watchin tv but for sum reason i did... and i turned it on and there was this video of robert downey jr walking around an empty house to a new elton john song called 'i want love'
the lyrics were amazing cuz it was xactly how i was feeling...ill post the lyrics when i find them
nweayz im not satisfied with the show we did yesterday it sucked i know alot of ppl think it sounded good... adam made me feel like an ass thying to correct my drumming... my drums were moving on the concrete and i kept hitting my leg i was getting really pissed i broke 3 sticks
we played our own songs well, as well and one of the metallica covers. we need practice
there were 2many ppl at doyles i went outside and chilled with em for while her and zay were kool last nite...
im listening to the new system of a down cd. . . its tite
signed, perpetually lost
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| amends |
[05 Sep 2001|06:51pm] |
just incase anyone else wants to kick my ass . . i would like to apologize to anyone whom i have offended... all i can think of is what i said to lindsay. . im sorry, i had been talkin to matt alot and i didnt know all of the story and it was late.. i was in a bitchy mood.. altho i guess its no excuse.. cido, whatever we talked about the other night i dont remember but im sorry... i didnt mean anything offensive by it, but you always take everything the wrong way...its hard to talk to u. mmmm anyone else ? . .. ..
peace out yallllllllllllllll
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| i dunno? |
[05 Sep 2001|06:36pm] |
Jim imed me...started talkin about how he heard that i've been having problems with HIS friends. he said he was gonna kick my ass at ashley's party. i asked him why he wants to beat me up. he said because im a 'little punk'.... i asked him if he had any realistic reasons that were not based on social prejudice...he just kept sayin stuff about how hes gonna kick my ass. i kept my kool... i didnt wanna sink to his level. heres the last few lines of the convo.
wrecklessabandon: why are you so hard
wrecklessabandon: im shakin in my boots
Da24Player: just wait then tough guy
Da24Player: say something to me at the party and we'll see who's shakin
wrecklessabandon: im not gonna talk to u
wrecklessabandon: i never have
Da24Player: cuz yer a chicken shit
wrecklessabandon: thats fine if u think that
wrecklessabandon: maybe i am does it matter to you?
Da24Player: well then dont say this shit to me online if u wont do shit in person hot show
Da24Player: shot*
Da24Player: im out fag
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| shibby |
[02 Sep 2001|11:42pm] |
you are all healthy
you can use your limbs
you can see
you can speak
you can hear
you can taste
you can have sex
you have the ability to make your own decisions
you live in a (almost) free country
you have familes
you have beds to sleep in
you have cable, plumbing, telephones...etc
you have FOOD
you have money
you have people that care about you
you are not starving in the slums of some third world nation
you DONT have cancer
you dont have aids
you dont have other devesating illnesses
you are not parents
you didnt overdose on heroin
YOU'RE ALIVE
you go to sleep, and when you wake up...you are still breathing
....there is so much you all take for granted...think about all this when you are complaining about your 'problems'...i bet your current notions are a bit disproportionate. i realize that even small things bother you and disturb your mental health, and life is pretty much 99.999% mental. but try to put everything in perspective...things won't seem so bad... and maybe some of you would STOP BITCHING AT EACH OTHER and START TALKING ABOUT YOUR 'PROBLEMS' , because, personally.... i would like to know, and thus help. can't we all just get along???
ok...another thing. heres an analogy: you havent driven a car for a long time...and u really want to drive again.. and then you have the opportunity to own a porsche 911 turbo, or a ferrari 360 modena. .. how to you choose? they are both sopisticated, intelligent, sexy machines...is it best to keep walking?
i wish i had a '69 GTO judge... maybe carousel red
newayz...i know everyone will come to the show friday... you better enjoy it.
comments=good . .. . acknowledgment at least?
peace
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| euphoria |
[31 Aug 2001|11:51pm] |
i dont know why i wanna write about this... i just don't want it to fade, im struggling to preserve it somehow. geez my moms already ruining it for me bitchin at me to turn off my comp. me n maria n doyle n steph were getting along well 2nite.. i felt really close to maria (talkin in the car) and steph (at lisas) and me n doyle have both been through the same thing with cido so now someone can relate!
geez but i love you maria i love u steph
...(im not gonna say that i love any guys .. .i already go to DLS, so i have enough factors workin against me)and lisa ive always gotten along with you, even when i dont see u for long periods of time. but i wanna be close with u guys in the upcoming future. AHHHHasdiflh
well im gonna bitch a lil. . zay how can u be so immature? you ruined matt's whole plan, plus hes goin thru shit , and he gets pissed off at you.. its completely understandable...he even apologized and thanked you 4 bein a friend, and u still bitch at him like an insensitive !#$*. well anyways i dont wanna bring my self down with that shit.
maybe i need a gf . . but i like what i have rite now with G and G (lol, fiercefoursome....fuck you guys) and with jaime and emily and whoever else. . . but its so nice to be close with a girl. and its been so fuggin long. x( i probly won't do anything drastic for fear of disrupting the whole association of ppl that we hang out with. big groups sorta suck. i like the smell of girl's hair and how its so soft. i haven't had any romantic thoughts or emotions for any girl in so long...because the whole notion seems to fucked up to me after what i went through... not that im so hurt by it, and im not complainin about my past experience...but i will never look at things the same.. i was so naive..
::sanders just finished his journal entry for 2nite:: ya just to be fair ill mention him too... we went down gratiot 2day to record time...didnt find any other stores.. hes a good guy.
i have so much to talk about but it needs to be provoked. read adams and sanders entries... all u crybabies and hypocrits.. get a fuckin life and quit bitchin or u will end up by your lonesome. u ppl just dont grasp reality or realize how influential the people u surround yourselves with are. try this...forget any beef you have with a person, and just think about the good qualities of the person...what u like about them ppl are so intriguing, gorgous etc if u just look for it.. newayz yeh my bro left me a kool atari shirt black with irridescent lettering.
LOVEME
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| life's gay |
[29 Aug 2001|07:30pm] |
its so fuckin confusing. . .i wish everyone would just be themselves. let out your true self and be straightforward with everyone.. but hold thta thought fo a sec.. pauly (bass) played with us 2day it was pretty sweet..he did aight. and we recorded the tool-esque song...but its a bit distorted.. we recorded 'need' as well. . i dont really like that song, but it's a song, and it's ours. 'sept 7th rock on' that should be kool. . might get to play outside. the skin on my right foot is peeling off cuz i was playin barefoot .. ::d'oh!:: lol i got a little side tracked. . . its now 8:30 i took an I.Q. test the range of scores is 70-130. . anything over 130 is considered briliant.. i just wish ppl would appreciate what they have and learn to see the beauty in other ppl
peace
paul '137' van
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| skool is sticky |
[27 Aug 2001|02:47pm] |
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ok enuf with the sympathy junk.. ya that last entry i was really tired and in a shitty mood. whining about my life wont do nething newayz. wanted to see jay and silent bob yesterday .. we snuck in but somehow were kicked out as soon as we got in. and matt wanted his money back and the kid from dls that works there was bein gay and threatening to call the cops and call our principle to get me in trouble. . . what the fuck does sneakin into a movie have to do with my educational institution? its not even a crime, its just a company policy of amc. newayz, skool sux... and i have to read history... and i gotta work 2day. 2morrow im gonna have my grade skool bud Pauly try out for bass in our band. hopefully that will go well. never got to see jay and silent bob....but did get to see dogma thats a good movie... what happened in the rest of Hannibal? i had to leave at 10 . . .. . luvya
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| shit |
[23 Aug 2001|01:58pm] |
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ok i really dont like putting this out in the open ...cuz then ppl are like ' stop complaining ' . . . but i would like to know..how many damn ppl even care about me... and how many ppl would put forth the effort to try to understand me. . . yes there are quite a few ppl that i have been hangin around with lately that i would like to get to know better but i dont think its really working...and that group is so fucked up.. serisouly everyone tries t ofit in, and in doing so, breaks all moral boundaries that they supposedly stick to... gimme some fucking ppl to connect with.. . im losing motivation ..for everything
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| yes |
[22 Aug 2001|12:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 complacent |
] |
yes i was in a pretty good mood 2 hours ago now, my mood has been somewhat overridden by tired-ness (i cant even think of the correct noun to use) and hunger. nweayz last nite i went to bed at 4... i woke up at 12.. cleaned up my room (finally) and talked to mle a bit... then went into work 3-8. . i dont even remember working the boss is fishing on lake michigan so we just slacked all day went up to 7-11 and got some free slurpees .. all i ate all day was a bowl of frosted miniwheats at like 1 pm. and i had 2 slurpees. my stomach hurts... then after work me n ken went to the mall cuz i wanted a pink polo for skool pics (i know it sounds gay) then istopped by my house to get some money and then we went to old navy (my aunt works there so i get her discount).. and then to meijers.. where i got some white dickies (hell yeah) i dont wanna look like all the other preps at dls .. with the structure khakis and aberzombie polos.... newayz steve thinks he wants to quit the band thats just downright gay... we r gonna jam 2morrow. life is good. i hope nothin goes sour with ne of the friends i have now... i dont plan on losing ne of them over the course of the skool year.. shit man its almost 1... i gotta go to skool 2morrow for orientation 11:30 - 1:30... then im gonna go buy some more gay clothes after we practice... how are u doin maria? i really want everything to be kool btween u and steve.. i know i havent been around long tho.... peace yall
steph i miss the finger thing :\ call me when u get the chance..... im audi
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[21 Aug 2001|01:12pm] |
Late at Night
I walked in on you I couldn't believe my eyes I Forgot to knock and I apologize but I can't forget what I saw I always wondered if you had a darker side you wear a smile but your eyes are red like you just cried Now will you explain? By day you wear your happy face, everybody thinks you're perfect, They don't know much about your pain, Late at night no one can see, You cut yourself to get back at me, Late at I try to understand, your friends all call you first when every little thing goes wrong, They know that they can count on you, But you don't call on them when you need a little help, You work it out alone, Late at night no one can see, You cut yourself to get back at me, Late at night I try to understand, While I'm wishing on the stars, you're collecting little scars, Late at night what did I do wrong that you deserve to bleed? Tell me just what should I do? Now I know your secret I won't tell your friends at work I won't tell your favorite niece I won't tell your mom and dad I won't tell anyone why you wear sweaters when it's hot How will you explain the scars to your kids? Will you lie to each new person in your life?
http://www.tenfootpole.com/index2.htm
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| asdf |
[19 Aug 2001|11:22pm] |
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im sittin here 11:16 in my boxers cuz im overheating im so hot i should go get the fan my head is empty... devoid of any tangible toughts.... i dont know why... maybe cuz i am tired. whats this shit about if i like anyone... i dont wanna like anyone, and im not going to... if someone likes me, and they let me know... then ill decide what to do... but im just gonna chill aight yall... so newayz i stopped by andys 2day instead of goin to doyles im glad i made that descision. oh shit i just realized i have the titan a.e. dvd right here.... i should watch it.. i love you
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[18 Aug 2001|11:32pm] |
(edited for privacy)
w: oh dude i almost rolled my truck..
A: SHIT
A: when!!!!??
w: like 20 minutes ago...
A: O GOD
A: good thing u didn't
w: maria wanted me to peel out... so as i was on canal turning onto her street...
w: i turned the wheel and gave it some gas
w: and i had like 5 other ppl in the car so , high center of gravity
A: oooo
w: i felt the left wheels come off the ground
w: so i cut the wheel the opposite direction real qwik and it came back down to the ground....it was freaky
A: O GOD!!!!!!!!!!
w: yeah man i drove sooo slow on the way home
A: i dont blame u
w: i hope i didnt fuck up the suspension or tires
A: yeah
w: i always drive fast it was sorta just entertaining my self by driving slow
w: but newayz
A: yeah
i drive a 2001 2 door blazer... with a roll over rating of one star... not that any of u care about all this. decent day i got a few things done cut the lawn.. made some progress on gettin my room back 2gether.. re-did the blackouts on my turn signals..returned that stupid n64 game to toys r us... i had to argue with them just to get store credit...visited shelle and jen and mle and adam at mcd's .. saw that movie...'the others' it was so boring i was asleep 30 minutes into it, most everyone else thought it was entertaining... pp behind us say- 'shut up, be quiet' , i say - 'keep your pants on'... guy in back makes fart noise, steve says -'CC farted!' or sumthin like that .. then we watched final destination and the towelie episode (# 508) of south park. then i almost killed us (above) and yadda yadda yadda life aint bad, i have a few things to look forward to...the trip to italy, the band, moving up in the business world, turning 17... stuff like that... newayz leave comments, random thoughts, and/or criticism. peace
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| hmmm |
[17 Aug 2001|11:06pm] |
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yeah M, we HAFTA go to italy n stuff!! swear to it! it would be so awesome... and i would have some moral support so i wouldnt start crying on the plane :P really we gotta,,, pleeze. well newayz my rents went to the movies and they wont be back til like 1:30 so im just gonna sit around maybe continue workin on my room OVERSEAS IN KOOL COUNTRIES FOR 20 DAYS!! WITH NO PARENTS!! mmm newayz i will c u all later
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| mother fucker |
[17 Aug 2001|09:13pm] |
and the streak continues... why do i have to have a fuckin little brother.... i couldnt go anywhere yesterday cuz it was 'too late' to leave the house.... and i cant go newhere tonite cuz my rents are goin to the movies and i gotta watch my brother, even tho yesterday they told me i can do stuff 2nite...... im sick of this shit when the fuck can i fucking move out arrseou;hdtb;iweh5g$AWHGL:IHRAwhba im so pissed shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker mother fucker fart tits turd and twat .askhjffuckfuckfuckfuc i still dont feel any better
dont ever fuckin take anything for granted... im gonna go break stuff now.. .
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| ::sigh:: |
[10 Aug 2001|11:57pm] |
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i worked til 3 then sat around here for a lil and then went to coney(pheonix) with the fam.. and im sittin there.. lookin at all the ppl...they look old, weak, unhappy, unfortunate... i see the cars driving by..cold hunks of steel and controlled explosions... inhaling oxygen and exhaling deadly gases... i think about the corporate world... the big factorys and world wide corporations... all the money wasted... all the incompetent and careless workers in the more trivial industries... why re we all on this fucking planet? and why are some ppl so unaware.. so ignorant of everything... of the pathetic state of life... of each other. i respect the ppl who make this world a better place.. and i wish there were more of those ppl.. all the ppl i see seem so sad.. xcept most of the youth... ...just a thought
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| flyin' commodores |
[08 Aug 2001|11:20pm] |
u know what.... 2nite was pretty darn kool... we rocked out, and it was tite, xcept for a few sticks lost to the crowd....and one that hit my nose... (yay) i wish everynite good be like this ... i love spending time with friends.. really i do , i do.snowjam coming up looking forward 2 that... adam and steve.. start learning staind-been a while, we will play a couple parties i hope... maybe i'll have one... invite some other band ppl i know. tallica is awesome..im back in the groove. ohhh incubus..we need to play some.. like stuff from s.c.i.e.n.c.e... its do-able... hello cido, steph, maria, mle, jaime, thanx 4 comin 2nite...hope u enjoyed...luv yaz... OK i want my hair back....:( well newayz
peace owt... stay kool
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| wooo HAAAAAAAAAAAAA |
[06 Aug 2001|04:15pm] |
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what up biatches we just finished jamming a few minutes ago... it was off the hizook.... tite... im so pumped sandman was insanely hardcore... i was so into it... geezus my ears are still ringing adam and steve u guys rock... we need to play some parties or something... drop me a line later y'all
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| (brainless) |
[05 Aug 2001|12:44am] |
OK..... LISTEN UP.... ANY ONE WHO HAS ANY BEEF WITH ME.... TELL ME RIGHT HERE AND NOW... please? :) i wanna clear a few things up....
i love u all
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